I like those facebook-analyzer memes much more than my ego wishes I did, and I almost always click on them, and I post the results when I find them pleasing and/or amusing. Until today, when I found my results amusing and most displeasing.
It started when a friend of mine (we’ll call her Cher) posted hers, which went something like:
This is Cher.
Cher says what she thinks and often speaks the truth. That’s why she is disliked by some.
Cher doesn’t give a shit.
Cher is smart.
Be like Cher.
I appreciated this, and it was so appropriate to Cher that at first I thought she’d made up her own text to go with the image, and started to think about what my text would be. Alas, I found that the meme has auto-generated text, but I was still curious.
So this is the first one they gave me:
LOL NO. Ginny grudgingly admits that there are a couple of good men, and even trusts about four or five of them. Ginny complains about men on facebook whenever she damn well pleases.
But the “try again” button was enticing so I quickly went through a dozen or so. The least objectionable ones were along the lines of “Ginny feels fine about her body and doesn’t care who knows it,” but they were all selfie-related and I don’t take a lot of selfies (but I support those of you who do!) It became evident very soon that the text pulled was completely random, with no input from anything I’ve said or done ever.
I have nothing but respect for this person, but it is clearly some other Ginny.
Ginny doesn’t remove her eyebrows because she’s not very femme and it fucking hurts, but she doesn’t shame other people for their beauty routines.
Au contraire, Ginny recognizes the value in speaking common experiences as a way of community building. When Ginny posts about the weather it is not to inform others, but to express what is important to her in her world at that time. Ginny knows that the closest relationships are ones where we can each speak whatever is on our mind, even if it is well known to the other person.
WTF of course I would check in on facebook if I were in the hospital! Unless I wanted privacy about the experience. My friends give a shit about me and would want to know that I was going through something! What kind of monster wrote this one?
(Actually I bet I know: people who accuse you of “attention seeking” when you talk about important things in your life are almost always narcissists themselves, pissed that you’re stealing their spotlight. Or they’ve been raised by narcissists and have internalized the self-abnegation that comes with that — if that’s you, message me, I have some books you should read.)
Oh. Oh nuh-uh. Ginny loves to cook but has NOTHING but side-eye for this one. Moving on.
BWAhahahhahahhahaha brb laughing forever.
If I wanted to do some kind of remotely valuable analysis, I’d log in and tell it I was male (no one will be surprised that there was no non-binary option, and clearly they assumed I’m straight) to find out whether they’re sexist or equal-opportunity crappy. But it’s my vacation weekend and I don’t feel like it.
I don’t know exactly what I’d put if I was designing one of these, but it would probably be something like:
This is Ginny.
Ginny thinks people should do whatever the hell they feel in their souls is right for them, as long as it doesn’t harm others.
Ginny is smart, although that doesn’t mean all her opinions are correct.
Don’t be like Ginny.
Be like you.